Today's Irk: Scene Kids

A.k.a. Emo Kids in disguise, Cockroaches of society, That dumbass kid flailing his arms at the back of the venue.

Irk Factor: 4/5

You may be asking yourself “What is a scene kid?”. A scene kid is more or less a mutant crossbreed between an emo kid and a hipster. It’s basically an emo kid in a plaid jacket and ludicrously tight pants wearing big thick glasses with no lenses, listening primarily to indie music in an attempt to “break away from social norms”...just like every other plaid wearing emo waste of oxygen. For those of you that are still having trouble imagining it, the picture above almost does it justice.

Normally, I wouldn’t have a problem with them, after all, there’s a LOT of social anomalies out there, and scene kids would just blend in with the rest. But something about these mutant rejects of society makes me angrier than usual. Perhaps it’s their “dancing”. Rest assured I have never used that term more loosely.

Scene Kids have this form of “dancing” they like to call “throwing down” or “hardcore dancing”. It comprises of sporadic arm flailing, twichy gestures, and running back and forth. If you need a mental image, try to picture the Hokey-Pokey division at the Special Olympics; it’s probably pretty similar. What blows my fucking mind is that they definitely must know they look like idiots, yet they persist. On top of that, they brag about it after, rather than pretending it was a drug induced seizure and never mentioning it again. I remember the good old days of the “Mosh Pit”, where a bunch of crazy motherfuckers beat the living hell out of each other, and other people jumped around in this orgy of spur-of-the-moment adrenaline.

Maybe it's their constant craving for attention that grinds my gears. Dressing in ridiculous clothing to draw as much attention to themselves as humanly possible. Let's not forget, Mr.Scene Kid, you are just an emo kid in disguise. You are supposed to remain silent and just die quietly somewhere.

I think what pisses me off the most about this infestation is their contribution to the death of music. These cockroaches of society have made their way into indie and underground music, and have taken a heaping pile of steaming plaid shit all over it. Underground and upcoming bands used to be about making good music. Now, due to their increasingly embarassing audience, they have become nothing but breakdowns after breakdowns to appease the Hokey Pokey team that attends their shows.

I WOULD hereby sentence all scene kids to slit their wrists lengthwise, IF I didn’t think most scene girls were smoking hot. But the one's that aren't horrify me and haunt my nightmares.

But that’s just my opinion.

-Adam